


Love is a Losing Game

by notobsessedjustobservant



Series: Waiting Game [1]
Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Did I Mention Angst?, I swear I'm the biggest PeterMJ shipper, Multi, cliché ass tittle, please still love me after this lol, who hurt me so much to make this omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:49:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notobsessedjustobservant/pseuds/notobsessedjustobservant
Summary: If she learned anything that day, it was that it suckedassto be heartbroken.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back on my bullshit.(; You've been warned, this fic is _so_ dramatic. You probably won't get the ending you want but, I told you so.

MJ only realizes how messy situations get when it's too late. 

It's 12:42 AM and they both have a calculus test in first period yet here he was.

He knocks faintly on her window. 

He looks so vulnerable at that moment that she seems to have lost her resolve on not to let him in. She loses her resolve to not let him in a lot.

 

She leads him to her bathroom so that he could sit on the toilet cover while she looks over his wounds. 

"You really shouldn't be here", she says while putting antibiotic ointment on the cut on his left cheek.

"I- I'm sorry I know, it's just, you're the only person I can go to- the person I like to go to."

"I know," and she nods in acknowledgment, "but _I_ can't be that person for _you_ anymore." She says it softly. She puts no menace or a vindictive tone. She just sounds _tired_. 

When he hears this, his face contorts, wincing.

"I'm sorry," and he looks so sullen. It's times like these when she's reminded that he's just a teenager trying to do his best.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I never, _ever_ , wanted to hurt you," she involuntarily snorts at that and he winces.

She opens her mouth to apologize but Peter beats her to it. 

"I deserve that. I know I do. But, please," and he grabs the hand that was holding his right cheek, " _please_ know that I never wanted to intentionally hurt you."

She believes him and she knows it's not because she loves him. She's not blindly in love, at least she thinks she isn't. She knows when he tells the truth and when he lies. He's telling the truth right now.

The truth isn't always that nice.

"Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this," his voice cracks and she looks into his eyes and sees that there are tears pooling up.

"But, you can't fix it."

 

Why was she crying?

She reasoned with herself, Peter Parker and her would have never worked out in the long run anyway.

The list of reasons as to why they would never work out were basically infinite. 

He's always gone. He sucks ass at literature and English. He never gets her coffee order right. He's _so_ nerdy. He never texts back. 

But with every single one of those reasons, she could think of _more_ reasons to love him. 

He may be gone a lot, but that's because he's _fucking_ Spider- Man; he's helping or saving lives. He may not be good in literature or English, but he is _quite_ amazing in chemistry and always helps her out with memorizing rules. He never gets her coffee order right, _but_ he always gets the order of teas she likes from least to greatest correct. His nerdiness is definitely very dorky but it makes him get passionate on a subject, usually Star Wars, and she hated to admit it, but he didn't look _that_ bad when he was ranting and getting heated. He never texts back, but he _always_ answers her calls on the first ring.

It was frustrating. 

Every time she thinks they've made a step into a direction, they actually make a step into no where land. 

Every time she thinks she is over him, she just gets even _more_ into him. 

It just wasn't _fair_.

 

She acted as though everything was the same.

She still talked to Peter and Ned. The iconic trio still hung out. There were only small, subtle differences. 

She made sure not to sit as close to them as she used to at the lunch table. She also made sure to only hang out with them outside of school _only_ once a week and with _both_ of them there. 

When they did hang out, she made sure she never had any alone time with Peter. If Ned left the room to get popcorn, she would go to the bathroom. If Ned had to leave for an emergency, MJ would make a quick excuse about a new book coming out so she had to go get it _right_ that second and how she was fine going by herself to go get it.

Peter wasn't dumb, he knew what she was doing. It hurt, but he knew he deserved it.

 

Sometimes, when she let her eyes wander to his side of the room, she would notice him looking at her. She would tell herself not to care. 

He made his choice. He would have to deal with it.

 

_He's stupid. He's idiotic. He's unworthy of me. I am the best he's ever gotten close to getting and that's that._

She reminds herself this whenever she reminisces about their time together. Whenever she thinks of ringing him just to hear his voice. Whenever she just _misses_ him.

_He doesn't deserve you anymore._

 

She wonders sometimes if he regrets what he did. 

She knows he regrets it. 

 

If she could erase a memory or change a decision, she thinks she might have changed getting close to Peter and Ned. After all, it just led to a path of pain and unnecessary hurt. 

It didn't hurt to dream of a different MJ who was probably writing an exposé about the lack of real government funding in public schools. Unbothered and happy. Probably content with just pining away at Parker secretly. 

She hated to admit it, but she was jealous of _that_ MJ sometimes. 

 

She knows she would never actually do that. By that, she means change getting close to Peter and Ned.

Even if she was going through hell and back because of that damn white boy, she knew she would _always_ cherish and love their memories. 

She just didn't know if she could truly cherish and love _every_ memory that included him anymore.

 

Sometimes she fixates on that day that caused their current situation. 

She wished she could reverse her decision to walk to Peter's locker that day. 

 

She was just so happy to show Peter the letter that showed she got accepted to the summer program at Harvard that she sped walked to his locker after the last bell of the day rang. 

She got stopped over by Mr. Harrington because he wanted to talk to her about Acadec scheduling so she was delayed a bit. Still, it didn't stop her from having a little red flush on her cheeks that was continually growing due to her happiness. 

 

The halls were empty. It was probably since it was a Friday and everyone wanted to leave immediately. 

Now when she thinks about that day, she wishes the halls weren't empty that day. She wishes that they were filled with people. Maybe she wouldn't be where she was right now if that happened.

She was about to turn to the corner of the hallway where Peter's locker was and she was about to sprint over to show him the letter when she saw _that_. 

 

Liz kissing _that_ boy. Liz kissing the boy who's probably had wet dreams about kissing Liz. Liz kissing the same boy who MJ's been liking since eighth grade. Liz kissing the boy that MJ had no _real_ claim on. 

She felt _devastated_.

She never thought she would _ever_ feel this way, especially because of Parker. She always thought she would never have to experience this, this _hurt_ , before. 

If she learned anything that day, it was that it sucked ass to be heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so done with myself, I SWEAR, I love Liz's character, even though she was one- dimensional as hell. I'm not trying to come at her or pit her against MJ! I am HERE for my girls. Although, with the current trend of my fics, it doesn't look like that. I needed someone to fill the shoes and it felt icky to put some random ass girl, so I'm sorry Liz. You just had to take one for the team.
> 
> ANYWAY, don't hate me for making this messy mess. PLEASE? I don't know ya'll, I just started listening to some simpy music and this came to me. Please tell me how you feel about this, but be nice!! I'll be updating in an hour so stay tuned lol.<333


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a simple concept, but she didn't know why her brain was having such a hard time comprehending it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoy this!!

When she saw _that_ , she wanted to be _that_ girl so bad. She wanted to be the girl that made a big scene. The girl who would scream and pull Liz's hair and berate both of them.

She didn't though. 

She knew she would never be _that_ girl.

MJ prided herself on her reactions. She thought before she acted. She calculated every move she made. 

So, she did what she knew was right. 

She left.

 

If she was honest, she didn't really remember how she got home, but she did. 

When she arrived at her house, she was in for a surprise. 

There he was, all smiley and happy just sitting on the steps in front of her building.

 _Screw a boy named Peter Parker._

She wanted to run the other way and cry to her heart's content. She wanted to just shove him out of her way and just forget about today. 

But, she couldn't. She couldn't be a coward and make a U-Turn back to school. She had to face him.

"Hey, Ned." Her voice sounded drained and scratchy. She tried to cover the tears welling up in her eyes that she wanted to shed in the privacy of her room.

Ned looks up at her face and stares at her. He makes a confused face. 

He stands up and takes two steps to where MJ was standing, frozen.

"MJ, are you o-," and before he could finish his sentence, MJ hugged him and cried. 

 

They went into her complex after a few people who walked past them gave them dirty looks for taking up most of the sidewalk. 

She was boiling the water for her tea while Ned watched her move carefully.

"Listen up, shithead. I- I'm sorry I dumped all that on you out there," she sighs and pours the boiled water into a mug and puts in the tea bag. "Let's just- let's just forget what happened."

Ned looked at her like he was trying to solve a puzzle. 

"I- I'm not going to force you to tell me what's wrong. It's none of _my_ business. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything. I know that you know that I'm closer to P-," and he notices the slight cringe in MJ, "-eter, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you or that you're not one of my friends. If you didn't already know, you are one of my friends." He nervously laughs and says, "All I'm trying to say is that if you need me, I'm here."

MJ knew that Ned would give his honest advice. He may be closer to Peter than her, but he was always impartial and it showed whenever he had to declare the winner of the debates MJ and Peter had together. 

She wanted to tell him everything. 

She just _couldn't_.

If she said it out loud it would mean her forfeit, the end of whatever they had. 

And she didn't know if she was able to handle that.

"Thank you for your concern, Ned. I genuinely appreciate it, but I think I'll be fine. I need to sort this out by myself." She gives a soft smile to Ned's direction and continues, "Jesus, I sound _so_ damn dramatic." She composed herself to go back to her normal self. "I _swear_ , if you tell anyone about this I will-".

"I promise MJ, no one will know about this."

He left a few minutes later after an awkward goodbye hug and with a worried look on his face. 

 

Maybe if she didn't know her feelings were reciprocated back by Peter, she wouldn't be as hurt right now. She probably wouldn't even be hurt at all.

It was all his damn fault.

He tells her he likes her then he kisses Liz. He tells her he cares for her more than a friend but he kisses Liz. He tells her he can't be with anyone because he doesn't want to endanger anyone he cares about _but_ he kisses Liz.

_Peter Parker, you fucking lovable bitch._

 

After they had their talk, in which Peter proclaims the hero's burden, she thought they would never go anywhere. 

She was actually content. 

She had told him her feelings and he told her his. Sure, it sucked _so_ much that he thought he couldn't possibly be with anyone, less someone he actually cared about, because of his nightly spandex duties. 

She respected his wishes and she didn't push him. 

She was actually fine with the way things were. She wasn't ecstatic, but she was definitely content.

She would go over to his house more often than not to just watch movies with him or study. He would go over to her house whenever he got hurt and she would bandage him up. She would let him hold her hand when he needed her. He would be there for her and vice versa. 

 

She came to a conclusion.

If _she_ didn't choose to get her hopes up, _she_ wouldn't be feeling this way. 

_She_ chose to continue to believe that they had a chance. 

_She_ played herself. 

She was the one who thought Peter liked her that much. As much as she did for him. That kiss definitely blew that assumption away. 

She wasn't delusional enough to believe he didn't like her, no, she knew he did. She could tell by his actions when he was near her and just the little stuff he did. But, she also wasn't delusional enough to pretend that Parker even liked her _remotely_ as much as she liked him. 

It was a simple concept, but she didn't know why her brain was having such a hard time comprehending it. 

 

She wakes up at 1:24 AM to a knock on her window. 

She knows it's him.

She wants to not let him in. Hell, he could bleed to death for all she cared. 

But, she knew she didn't _really_ want that. 

She lets him in.

 

"Hi." He has such a cute ass smile and he looks so happy to see her that she _almost_ forgets about the locker situation.

_Almost._

"Why are you here?". She didn't mean for it to sound accusing, but she couldn't help the bitterness come out of her. 

His smile falters just a bit. "I- I missed you today. I didn't get to walk you home and I-" and as he said this he tried to reach her hand, but she stepped back. 

She felt a twinge of guilt for doing that because of the face he made in reaction to it.

_Stop it. Hold your ground. He's the bad guy here, not you._

"MJ, what's wrong?" Peter says cautiously. He says it like he knows that something was incredibly wrong.

"Do you love me?".

There. She said it. 

 

He looked at her shocked. 

"Well?" and she kept her protective stance. She made sure there was enough room for her and him to make sure there was no easy contact and so if she wanted to leave she could easily get out of her room. 

"I- I," he stuttered out. 

He just looked at her. 

She didn't appreciate it. 

"I would really appreciate an answer. I kind of deserve it. No, I _do_ deserve it. I- I don't know what kind of fucking _game_ you're playing but it's not fun. You're such a- such a fucking shit head," she groans and points at him. 

"You told me you couldn't be with me. You told me that you cared about me too much and that if I were with you, I would be in more danger. You said you couldn't handle me ever getting hurt. You asshole, I _get_ those points, I _swear_ I do but," and her voice falters and gets quieter, "you kissed her." 

Peter's eyes widen. 

_Hah, bitch, you've been caught._

"No, MJ you have it wrong I didn't kiss her. She kissed me!". 

MJ doesn't look impressed.

"You know how she's visiting from Oregon. She- she walked up to me while I was at my locker and she was telling me how much she missed the team here and the school itself. She said how she had a boyfriend in Oregon, but she felt like something was missing. I didn't know where the hell she was taking that conversation and the next thing I know she's asking me if she could kiss me to see if she really did like her boyfriend. 

"I'm not innocent. I didn't stop her. I told her that I liked someone, you, but she said she deserved _at least_ that. One peck for ruining her last dance. And, I don't know. I felt _so_ guilty. I _feel_ so guilty and I just- it lasted for barely a second MJ, I swear."

He looked so sad and disappointed in himself. MJ really wanted to let go of her resolve and just hug him. But, she couldn't.

"But, Parker, you didn't _have_ to. You don't _fucking_ owe her anything."

He winces and says, "I _know_. I know that now." 

_Good. Feel bad._

She kind of wishes that he felt as horrible as she felt. He looked like he did.

"I- I," she let's out an exasperated groan. "I just want to sleep," she laughs a bitter laugh and continues, "You know, it's just _so_ funny. We're not even a thing. There's no _we_. _We_ doesn't even exist. Yet, here I am acting like there is."

His mouth opens but she continues on.

"I know deep down that you did nothing wrong, technically. I know that. It's just these _stupid_ fucking feelings that everyone claims to love to get even though they suck _utter_ ass. I-," and she sighs, "I think it would be best if we kept our distance. I- I need space. I don't think I really believed you when you said you couldn't be with me. I thought maybe in a few months or a year he'd see. I just didn't realize that maybe _you_ didn't want that. That maybe _you_ didn't want an _us_ in the future. And, that's _my_ fault. _I'm_ the one who assumed and _I'm_ the one who got _myself_ butthurt." 

He wanted to argue with her but he knew she was set on her ways. 

"MJ, I-".

"No," and he can hear the finality in her voice when she says this and he's scared. "I swear, I'll be fine. Just- just give me some time."

He opens his mouth again but she shakes her head no. 

"I just need time away from _you_."

He tries to make eye contact with her but she looks at the wall behind him. 

He leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANNNNDDD, that's that(: I feel so evil. I love happy endings, but I did what I did. Don't forget to leave kudos and comments, I love all of your ideas and opinions!!! Thanks for reading ya'll. <3333

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so done with myself, I SWEAR, I love Liz's character, even though she was one- dimensional as hell. I'm not trying to come at her or pit her against MJ! I am HERE for my girls. Although, with the current trend of my fics, it doesn't look like that. I needed someone to fill the shoes and it felt icky to put some random ass girl, so I'm sorry Liz. You just had to take one for the team.
> 
> ANYWAY, don't hate me for making this messy mess. PLEASE? I don't know ya'll, I just started listening to some simpy music and this came to me. Please tell me how you feel about this, but be nice!! I'll be updating in an hour so stay tuned lol.<333


End file.
